i don't know what was up with yesterday. i woke up with a sore throat. awesome. but i got ready and got to work 45 minutes early, which made me happy. i always smile when i get there early because i think of dad going in to work at weird hours. i'm so like him.
so i get to work. some things happened that made me want to cry so there i sit, alone in the office with watering eyes. the rest of the day i come across several old e-mails that my dad had written to various individuals talking about family, sports, god, etc. there was even one when he explained the importance of being a good dad and how that was his most crucial job. he wrote about playing golf, expecting his first grandson, visiting yankee stadium, hoping to go to the masters one day (which he did). oh, awesome, perfect. just what i needed to top off the fact that i was sitting there in his office, already emotional and feeling his absence.
in addition, since dad passed i inherited the job of taking over my grandparents finances. its a tough job, to say the least. i had issues to face with all their affairs which was stressing me out even more. so the day went on and i felt like crap, physically and emotionally. i left work, ran some errands, and came home. i organized some of lucy's clothes. i cried a lot. i blew my nose. awesome day.
oh-did i mention that yesterday was also the three month anniversary of his death? that was just the cherry on top. it seems impossible that only three months has gone by...it feels like an eternity since i saw him last.
i guess life will always be this way. good days and bad days. when you're faced with grieving the loss of someone so important, i don't think its ever easy. it sucks. and its not that my life is terrible-i have so much to be thankful for: an amazing husband, awesome friends, family i can count on, a really cool kid, a warm house, food, a job, good health, etc. but my life now sucks to what i would be if my dad was still alive. plain and simple. there's no getting around that. and if you knew my dad, or knew our relationship, you'd get that.
it was just one of those days when nothing makes sense and everything makes you want to cry. i hate those days. especially now since my dad was always who i could talk to when i felt like that. he was such a good listener. he never made excuses for how i was feeling and he didn't try to solve all my problems. he listened and he sympathized first, and then he gave advice or encouragement. he was the best at that.
but now he's gone and i don't think i'll ever get used to it.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
tasty bites: broccoli cheese soup.
broccoli cheese soup is one of my favorite things. i've tried a few different recipes and this one is by far the best, in my opinion. its so easy and it makes a lot...these things make me love it even more.
ingredients:
-3 packages frozen chopped broccoli
-3 cans chicken broth
-6 tbs. margarine
-1 onion, finely chopped
-1/2 cup flour
-2 cups of milk (i usually add about 3)
-3/4 to 1 lb. velveeta
-2 to 3 cups shredded cheddar
-pinch of white pepper (black works just fine)
*ok-here's a tip. the recipe actually calls for 1 1/2 pounds of velveeta. i usually use 3/4 to 1 pound. the stuff kind of grosses me out, but it really is good in this soup. so i limit the velveeta and add lots of shredded cheddar, probably 2 to 3 cups. i'm not good at measuring, i kind of throw stuff in as i go!
*one other thing. the last few times i've made this soup i added a handful of fine egg noodles. they look like crushed up spaghetti noodles.
directions:
-over medium heat, simmer broccoli in chicken broth for 15 minutes.
-in a skillet, melt butter and cook onions for about 5 minutes, or until tender.
-add flour to onions and stir well, until a pasty substance forms. gradually add milk and stir until thick.
-add milk mixture to chicken broth mixture.
-add the cheese and stir until melted. add the pepper. (be sure not to let the soup boil or the cheese will break down.)
-add noodles, if desired. the soup is done when noodles are tender.
ingredients:
-3 packages frozen chopped broccoli
-3 cans chicken broth
-6 tbs. margarine
-1 onion, finely chopped
-1/2 cup flour
-2 cups of milk (i usually add about 3)
-3/4 to 1 lb. velveeta
-2 to 3 cups shredded cheddar
-pinch of white pepper (black works just fine)
*ok-here's a tip. the recipe actually calls for 1 1/2 pounds of velveeta. i usually use 3/4 to 1 pound. the stuff kind of grosses me out, but it really is good in this soup. so i limit the velveeta and add lots of shredded cheddar, probably 2 to 3 cups. i'm not good at measuring, i kind of throw stuff in as i go!
*one other thing. the last few times i've made this soup i added a handful of fine egg noodles. they look like crushed up spaghetti noodles.
directions:
-over medium heat, simmer broccoli in chicken broth for 15 minutes.
-in a skillet, melt butter and cook onions for about 5 minutes, or until tender.
-add flour to onions and stir well, until a pasty substance forms. gradually add milk and stir until thick.
-add milk mixture to chicken broth mixture.
-add the cheese and stir until melted. add the pepper. (be sure not to let the soup boil or the cheese will break down.)
-add noodles, if desired. the soup is done when noodles are tender.
Monday, February 13, 2012
tasty bites: pistachio muffins.
brian is obsessed with pistachio muffins from hannaford. they're like his guilty pleasure. whenever he runs to hannaford for a few things he always comes home with a little brown bag holding at least one pistachio muffin. so i figured i'd start making them. i found a recipe and the finished product was soooooo good. even the pistachio muffin connoisseur gave them two thumbs up.
ingredients:
-3 cups of flour
-1 cup of sugar
-2 tbs. baking powder (i know, it seems like a lot...but its correct)
-1 box instant pistachio pudding mix
-2 eggs, lightly beaten
-1 1/4 cups milk
-1/2 tsp. almond extract (i might use a little more next time)
-3/4 cups oil (i used a combination of oil and applesauce)
-green food coloring (this is optional, but i added a few drops to spice them up)
directions:
-mix dry ingredients.
-mix wet ingredients.
-add together until just moistened.
-fill baking cups and bake for about 20 minutes, until tops are golden brown.
these are seriously so good. next time i might add a few chopped pistachios, but they are delicious without!
ingredients:
-3 cups of flour
-1 cup of sugar
-2 tbs. baking powder (i know, it seems like a lot...but its correct)
-1 box instant pistachio pudding mix
-2 eggs, lightly beaten
-1 1/4 cups milk
-1/2 tsp. almond extract (i might use a little more next time)
-3/4 cups oil (i used a combination of oil and applesauce)
-green food coloring (this is optional, but i added a few drops to spice them up)
directions:
-mix dry ingredients.
-mix wet ingredients.
-add together until just moistened.
-fill baking cups and bake for about 20 minutes, until tops are golden brown.
these are seriously so good. next time i might add a few chopped pistachios, but they are delicious without!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
things i'm thankful for.
i've had a few hard days lately: missing dad, pregnancy pains/discomfort, too much to do, etc. so i try to focus on the good things in life to take my mind off the bad.
things i'm thankful for lately...
-warm(er) days
-shamrock shakes
-lucy's kicks and flips
-the awesome women in my life: mom, meg, sarah, kate, and aunt
-the pregnancy support belt that susie let me borrow
-coconut coffee cream
-my job
-brian's job
-all things jude, minus the whining
-emily
-prayer time with bk
-cards in the mail
-having family nearby who love to babysit
-coupons and good deals
-my church
-pictures
-crafts
-memories
there, now i feel better.
things i'm thankful for lately...
-warm(er) days
-shamrock shakes
-lucy's kicks and flips
-the awesome women in my life: mom, meg, sarah, kate, and aunt
-the pregnancy support belt that susie let me borrow
-coconut coffee cream
-my job
-brian's job
-all things jude, minus the whining
-emily
-prayer time with bk
-cards in the mail
-having family nearby who love to babysit
-coupons and good deals
-my church
-pictures
-crafts
-memories
there, now i feel better.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
so long future plans.
i'm one of those people that likes to make plans. i like to know what i'm doing a few days, weeks, months from now. i like to be organized. i like to know what's coming. i'm a planner.
my dad and i had plans. dad owned his own business, brewster financial, for almost 20 years. he was a financial advisor and helped people manage and invest their money. he was so good at it. his amazing intelligence and relationship based personality helped him thrive in his professional life. for years we talked and dreamed about working together. i would learn from him and become a part of brewster financial so that one day he could retire and leave me to take over.
when we received news in september that dad's liver condition was worse than we thought, dad and i decided that we should pursue this path of working together as soon as possible. we assumed that dad would get a transplant, be out of work for a while, and return to show me the ropes. so i made the decision to quit my job and make the career move official. we could work together for a few months before dad got his new liver and my real training would begin after that.
when october 11th arrived, my first day on the job, dad was ecstatic. he told everyone and anyone who would listen that i was going to work for him. i walked into his office that morning and can still picture the joy on his face. i want to cry just thinking about it.
my first day did not quite go as planned. it took place during the time when dad was not himself...irritable, angry, affected by the liver disease more than we could realize or understand. so let's just say the day ended abruptly.
a week later we went to boston for the meeting with the liver transplant team. dad was admitted to the hospital that weekend for abdomen pain. he stayed there for over a month before he passed away. i think its safe to say that every day dad was in the hospital he mentioned how excited he was to start working together. he mentioned projects he would have me work on, lunch dates we would go on together, and the iphone that he was going to buy me someday. he told many of his nurses how excited he was to have his daughter join his business. he was so hopeful.
so obviously, the father-daughter business plan went down the drain. not only have i had to wrap my brain around the loss of my father, but also around the loss of my future as a whole. every aspect of my future has been negatively impacted by my dad's passing, including my professional life. and it just plain sucks.
but, god always has a plan. brewster financial was sold and i was given a job opportunity from the new owner. i am so thankful for the job that god has provided me. its not what i had planned, but i am thankful just the same and i know my dad would be proud.
the night before my first day of work, i had a little meltdown. i could not stop crying. i knew that i was going to be working in dad's exact office...sitting at his desk, using his computer. i was excited about it because i knew how much dad would love it. but i was so sad. things were not supposed to go down this way. as grateful as i was for the new job, it wasn't what i wanted or had planned on. dad should still be alive.
i asked my family to pray for me and i made it through my first day at work. there were certainly some rough moments, and there still are. i see his handwriting everywhere. i remember visiting him in this office many, many times. he would always get so excited when jude and i would stop by to say hello. i found a snickers bar in one of his desk drawers. it made me miss him.
so much for making plans. here i am, in a totally different place than i thought. on one hand, it totally sucks. but on the other hand, god has provided and i have so much to be thankful for. and i know my dad would beam with pride if he could see me working in his office, sitting behind his desk, trying to make the best of it.
my dad and i had plans. dad owned his own business, brewster financial, for almost 20 years. he was a financial advisor and helped people manage and invest their money. he was so good at it. his amazing intelligence and relationship based personality helped him thrive in his professional life. for years we talked and dreamed about working together. i would learn from him and become a part of brewster financial so that one day he could retire and leave me to take over.
when we received news in september that dad's liver condition was worse than we thought, dad and i decided that we should pursue this path of working together as soon as possible. we assumed that dad would get a transplant, be out of work for a while, and return to show me the ropes. so i made the decision to quit my job and make the career move official. we could work together for a few months before dad got his new liver and my real training would begin after that.
when october 11th arrived, my first day on the job, dad was ecstatic. he told everyone and anyone who would listen that i was going to work for him. i walked into his office that morning and can still picture the joy on his face. i want to cry just thinking about it.
my first day did not quite go as planned. it took place during the time when dad was not himself...irritable, angry, affected by the liver disease more than we could realize or understand. so let's just say the day ended abruptly.
a week later we went to boston for the meeting with the liver transplant team. dad was admitted to the hospital that weekend for abdomen pain. he stayed there for over a month before he passed away. i think its safe to say that every day dad was in the hospital he mentioned how excited he was to start working together. he mentioned projects he would have me work on, lunch dates we would go on together, and the iphone that he was going to buy me someday. he told many of his nurses how excited he was to have his daughter join his business. he was so hopeful.
so obviously, the father-daughter business plan went down the drain. not only have i had to wrap my brain around the loss of my father, but also around the loss of my future as a whole. every aspect of my future has been negatively impacted by my dad's passing, including my professional life. and it just plain sucks.
but, god always has a plan. brewster financial was sold and i was given a job opportunity from the new owner. i am so thankful for the job that god has provided me. its not what i had planned, but i am thankful just the same and i know my dad would be proud.
the night before my first day of work, i had a little meltdown. i could not stop crying. i knew that i was going to be working in dad's exact office...sitting at his desk, using his computer. i was excited about it because i knew how much dad would love it. but i was so sad. things were not supposed to go down this way. as grateful as i was for the new job, it wasn't what i wanted or had planned on. dad should still be alive.
i asked my family to pray for me and i made it through my first day at work. there were certainly some rough moments, and there still are. i see his handwriting everywhere. i remember visiting him in this office many, many times. he would always get so excited when jude and i would stop by to say hello. i found a snickers bar in one of his desk drawers. it made me miss him.
so much for making plans. here i am, in a totally different place than i thought. on one hand, it totally sucks. but on the other hand, god has provided and i have so much to be thankful for. and i know my dad would beam with pride if he could see me working in his office, sitting behind his desk, trying to make the best of it.
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