1. family time
2. fresh air, no matter how cold
3. lazy days at home
4. walking, running, wrestling with jude
5. hobbies
6. hugs and kisses
7. food and water
8. hot showers
9. music
10. my house
11. gum
12. conversation
13. great friends
14. my phone
15. cuddling
16. sleeping 8 hours a night
17. driving
18. folding clothes
its crazy how some of life's circumstances teach you how to handle the rest. thinking of my dad laying in a hospital bed, unable to move, eat, or drink reminds me to view my moments differently. i am thankful for so many things...things i never would have thought to be thankful for. but you live, you learn, and you make changes accordingly. praise god for powerful lessons in the midst of chaos and pain.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
a near death experience.
thursday was scary. my mom called and the second i heard her voice, i knew something was up. she wasn't crying or emotional. but she was frantic. she had spoken to dad's liver doctor and he suggested we get to boston right away. things were not good. so thats what we did. after a brief bout of sobbing, we make arrangements, drop jude off with gramma sarah, our angel, and head to boston.
i knew this was it. he was dying. we would say goodbye and come home in a few days, dad-less. it was overwhelming.
we get to the ICU at mass general hospital. all seven of us make our way to his room (mom, me, brian, megan, nick, aunt, and jayne). its hard to explain if what i saw was worse than i thought, or better. dad was hooked up to a million tubes, with one coming out of his nose. he was yellow all over. but his eyes lit up when he saw us. he instantly started crying and so did we.
my dad was back. his speech was slurred and he looked awful, but this was the dad i remembered. we spent a few hours together, just sitting. he had us laughing and crying. he asked us to sing, so we sang. he asked us to pray for his nurses, so we prayed. after months of dealing with the loss and pain that this liver disease has brought, it was a breath of fresh air to see my real dad again.
despite our positive experience, we knew things were not good. he had a blood infection and his blood pressure was very low. we knew the reality of death was still present. but in a way, its almost as if we ignored it. we were so glad to have spent that quality time together, and it seemed like things would be ok. his nurse told us later on that as soon as dad heard that his family was near he turned around completely. i believe wholeheartedly that it was the power of God and of our family unit that saved his life that day.
the weekend continued and we spent many hours together. several doctors told us that they were convinced dad would be dead come thursday night. dad's blood infection was still active and it could be up to two weeks before it cleared. he was still in danger and is too sick to accept a living donor. on saturday, before we left, a liver doctor came in to check on him. she told mom to expect a christmas miracle. dad's blood infection was gone and he had now become a top priority on the transplant list. they are optimistic in their hopes that a liver will become available for dad and could even happen in as little as two weeks. tears filled our eyes as we heard this news. we certainly were not expecting this and it was the message of hope that we needed.
so now we continue to wait. dad is still in the ICU. he's unable to eat and he is still hooked up to tubes. there may be other obstacles ahead and he will stay at mass general until his transplant. he will be bored and lonely, but he has hope. people have been telling me all along to hope and pray for a miracle. i often prayed for this, but i don't think i really believed it could happen. but it has. he made it through the weekend, and that is amazing all on its own.
we praise God for bringing us all this far. dad has not fought this hard for nothing. his wife, kids, and grandchildren need him. the world needs him. and now we wait, hoping for that christmas miracle.
"let all that i am wait patiently before God, for my hope is in him." Psalm 62:5
i knew this was it. he was dying. we would say goodbye and come home in a few days, dad-less. it was overwhelming.
we get to the ICU at mass general hospital. all seven of us make our way to his room (mom, me, brian, megan, nick, aunt, and jayne). its hard to explain if what i saw was worse than i thought, or better. dad was hooked up to a million tubes, with one coming out of his nose. he was yellow all over. but his eyes lit up when he saw us. he instantly started crying and so did we.
my dad was back. his speech was slurred and he looked awful, but this was the dad i remembered. we spent a few hours together, just sitting. he had us laughing and crying. he asked us to sing, so we sang. he asked us to pray for his nurses, so we prayed. after months of dealing with the loss and pain that this liver disease has brought, it was a breath of fresh air to see my real dad again.
despite our positive experience, we knew things were not good. he had a blood infection and his blood pressure was very low. we knew the reality of death was still present. but in a way, its almost as if we ignored it. we were so glad to have spent that quality time together, and it seemed like things would be ok. his nurse told us later on that as soon as dad heard that his family was near he turned around completely. i believe wholeheartedly that it was the power of God and of our family unit that saved his life that day.
the weekend continued and we spent many hours together. several doctors told us that they were convinced dad would be dead come thursday night. dad's blood infection was still active and it could be up to two weeks before it cleared. he was still in danger and is too sick to accept a living donor. on saturday, before we left, a liver doctor came in to check on him. she told mom to expect a christmas miracle. dad's blood infection was gone and he had now become a top priority on the transplant list. they are optimistic in their hopes that a liver will become available for dad and could even happen in as little as two weeks. tears filled our eyes as we heard this news. we certainly were not expecting this and it was the message of hope that we needed.
so now we continue to wait. dad is still in the ICU. he's unable to eat and he is still hooked up to tubes. there may be other obstacles ahead and he will stay at mass general until his transplant. he will be bored and lonely, but he has hope. people have been telling me all along to hope and pray for a miracle. i often prayed for this, but i don't think i really believed it could happen. but it has. he made it through the weekend, and that is amazing all on its own.
we praise God for bringing us all this far. dad has not fought this hard for nothing. his wife, kids, and grandchildren need him. the world needs him. and now we wait, hoping for that christmas miracle.
"let all that i am wait patiently before God, for my hope is in him." Psalm 62:5
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
tasty bites: russian tea cakes
i love to bake. i like to cook as well, but i love baking. its so cozy. especially in the winter time. this recipe always reminds me of my mom and christmas. they are so good.
ingredients:
-1 cup butter or margarine, softened
-1/2 cup powdered sugar
-1 tsp. vanilla
-2 1/4 cups flour
-1/4 tsp. salt
-powdered sugar for topping
(the recipe calls for nuts, but lets face it, nuts would ruin these cookies. but if you're into that, throw in 3/4 cup finely chopped nuts)
directions:
-heat oven to 400.
-mix butter, powdered sugar, and vanilla in large bowl. stir in flour and salt until dough holds together.
-shape dough into 1 inch balls and place on ungreased cookie sheet.
-bake about 10 minutes, until set but not brown.
-remove from cookie sheet. roll warm cookies in powdered sugar and let cool. roll in sugar again.
enjoy!
ingredients:
-1 cup butter or margarine, softened
-1/2 cup powdered sugar
-1 tsp. vanilla
-2 1/4 cups flour
-1/4 tsp. salt
-powdered sugar for topping
(the recipe calls for nuts, but lets face it, nuts would ruin these cookies. but if you're into that, throw in 3/4 cup finely chopped nuts)
directions:
-heat oven to 400.
-mix butter, powdered sugar, and vanilla in large bowl. stir in flour and salt until dough holds together.
-shape dough into 1 inch balls and place on ungreased cookie sheet.
-bake about 10 minutes, until set but not brown.
-remove from cookie sheet. roll warm cookies in powdered sugar and let cool. roll in sugar again.
enjoy!
Monday, November 14, 2011
my dad.
i know there's many people wondering what's up with my dad. for those of you who don't know, or want to be updated, here's the story.
seven years ago he was diagnosed with a liver disease called primary sclerosing cholangitis. that's fancy talk for: your liver is a piece of crap and will some day be useless. something i feel like i always have to explain is that my dad is not an alcoholic. the opposite, in fact. i've never seen him take a drink in my life...ok, maybe an o'douls, but that does not even count. the day we found out was the worst day of my life...until now.
we always knew that his liver would slowly deteriorate until he would eventually need a transplant. what we did not know was that "eventually" would turn into "immediately" so soon. six years came and went with no significant signs of sickness. until this past year, when the signs became clear and the transplant talk was serious business.
we had a transplant meeting at mass general hospital in mid-october to discuss all things transplant. the night before we were planning on heading home, dad was experiencing severe pain. he was taken to the emergency room and admitted to the hospital. it's been four days short of a month now and he's still there. he is not doing well at all. very sick and very weak. dad is experiencing severe "side effects" of his disease and its just plain not good.
what happens now? we wait and hope for a new liver. or for him to come home. for something better than this.
these have been the hardest days of my life. knowing my dad is stuck in the hospital, four hours away, so lonely and sick. i talk to him daily and its always hard. he is in such agony both physically and emotionally, and yet there's nothing i can do. nothing but pray. and please, if you pray, pray for him.
there's really only a few people that i express these feelings to, so many people probably have no clue that this is even going on. that is just how i work. i do not like blabbing my business to people, or having people feel sorry for me. but people are asking and curious, and i am thankful for that. so there's the latest.
seven years ago he was diagnosed with a liver disease called primary sclerosing cholangitis. that's fancy talk for: your liver is a piece of crap and will some day be useless. something i feel like i always have to explain is that my dad is not an alcoholic. the opposite, in fact. i've never seen him take a drink in my life...ok, maybe an o'douls, but that does not even count. the day we found out was the worst day of my life...until now.
we always knew that his liver would slowly deteriorate until he would eventually need a transplant. what we did not know was that "eventually" would turn into "immediately" so soon. six years came and went with no significant signs of sickness. until this past year, when the signs became clear and the transplant talk was serious business.
we had a transplant meeting at mass general hospital in mid-october to discuss all things transplant. the night before we were planning on heading home, dad was experiencing severe pain. he was taken to the emergency room and admitted to the hospital. it's been four days short of a month now and he's still there. he is not doing well at all. very sick and very weak. dad is experiencing severe "side effects" of his disease and its just plain not good.
what happens now? we wait and hope for a new liver. or for him to come home. for something better than this.
these have been the hardest days of my life. knowing my dad is stuck in the hospital, four hours away, so lonely and sick. i talk to him daily and its always hard. he is in such agony both physically and emotionally, and yet there's nothing i can do. nothing but pray. and please, if you pray, pray for him.
there's really only a few people that i express these feelings to, so many people probably have no clue that this is even going on. that is just how i work. i do not like blabbing my business to people, or having people feel sorry for me. but people are asking and curious, and i am thankful for that. so there's the latest.
homemade christmas.
honestly, i've had these christmas decorations up for a few weeks now. people think i'm nuts, but i couldn't help myself. i love christmas! and when i've had my fall decor up since september, i'm ready for a change of scenery.
i've been wanting to decorate with cranberries for christmas. it's classic. i did some reading and it looked as though i could use cranberries with no risk of them going bad by the time the christmas season ends. granted, i will have these out for longer than the average person. oh well, we'll see. so i made this.
i picked some sticks (from my sister's landscaping, little does she know) and painted them a gold/champagne color. i used acrylic paint because i thought i would create a streaky look, but i ended up painting all the sticks so i may go for spray paint in the future. i cut out some leaves, added some paint, and assembled the centerpiece. i love it.
the next thing i made was my flag garland. they came out looking like this.
i also "made" a wreath for my front door. money is super tight now, so i didn't go for the yarn wreath like i had planned. all i did was buy a really cheap fake evergreen wreath at a.c.moore (i think it was on sale for $1.49) and wrapped it with some gold berry garland. it's a simple look that was easy and cheap. works for me.
i'm sure there will be more where this came from!
i've been wanting to decorate with cranberries for christmas. it's classic. i did some reading and it looked as though i could use cranberries with no risk of them going bad by the time the christmas season ends. granted, i will have these out for longer than the average person. oh well, we'll see. so i made this.
i picked some sticks (from my sister's landscaping, little does she know) and painted them a gold/champagne color. i used acrylic paint because i thought i would create a streaky look, but i ended up painting all the sticks so i may go for spray paint in the future. i cut out some leaves, added some paint, and assembled the centerpiece. i love it.
the next thing i made was my flag garland. they came out looking like this.
i also "made" a wreath for my front door. money is super tight now, so i didn't go for the yarn wreath like i had planned. all i did was buy a really cheap fake evergreen wreath at a.c.moore (i think it was on sale for $1.49) and wrapped it with some gold berry garland. it's a simple look that was easy and cheap. works for me.
i'm sure there will be more where this came from!
Friday, November 11, 2011
tasty bites: white bean and chicken chili
i love this recipe. its so easy and delicious. give it a try! can also be found on the food network website, its a giada recipe.
ingredients:
-2 tbs. olive oil
-1 large onion, chopped
-4 garlic cloves, minced
-2 lbs. ground chicken
-1 tsp. salt
-2 tbs. ground cumin
-1 tbs. fennel seeds (i've never used these)
-1 tbs. dried oregano
-2 tsp. chili powder
-3 tbs. flour
-2 15 oz. cans cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
-1 lb. swiss chard, stems removed and leaves chopped a bit (i use spinach)
-1 1/2 cups frozen corn
-4 cups chicken stock
-1/4 tsp. crushed red pepper
-parmesan cheese
directions:
-in a large pot, heat oil of medium heat. add onion and cook, about 5 minutes. add garlic and cook for 30 seconds.
-add the ground chicken, salt, cumin, oregano, chili powder, and fennel seeds. cook until chicken is cooked through, about 10 minutes. stir in the flour.
-add chicken stock, swiss chard, corn, and beans. bring the mixture to a simmer.
-let simmer for about an hour until the liquid has reduced and the chili has thickened.
-add red pepper flakes and simmer another 10 minutes.
-spoon into bowls and serve with parmesan cheese.
ingredients:
-2 tbs. olive oil
-1 large onion, chopped
-4 garlic cloves, minced
-2 lbs. ground chicken
-1 tsp. salt
-2 tbs. ground cumin
-1 tbs. fennel seeds (i've never used these)
-1 tbs. dried oregano
-2 tsp. chili powder
-3 tbs. flour
-2 15 oz. cans cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
-1 lb. swiss chard, stems removed and leaves chopped a bit (i use spinach)
-1 1/2 cups frozen corn
-4 cups chicken stock
-1/4 tsp. crushed red pepper
-parmesan cheese
directions:
-in a large pot, heat oil of medium heat. add onion and cook, about 5 minutes. add garlic and cook for 30 seconds.
-add the ground chicken, salt, cumin, oregano, chili powder, and fennel seeds. cook until chicken is cooked through, about 10 minutes. stir in the flour.
-add chicken stock, swiss chard, corn, and beans. bring the mixture to a simmer.
-let simmer for about an hour until the liquid has reduced and the chili has thickened.
-add red pepper flakes and simmer another 10 minutes.
-spoon into bowls and serve with parmesan cheese.
how things have changed.
so the last time i posted i said that i was going to be more devoted to my blog. that was in july. that was the last time i posted. and now its november. oh well...life got too busy. but with some recent developments in my life combined with some lessons i've learned, i think it would be therapeutic for me to start posting more. and therapy is good for the soul.
so much has changed since july. jude is such a little man now. he's obsessed with tractors, helicopters, airplanes, trains, trucks, and all things manly. he has such a huge vocabulary. i'm sure every parent says this about their 3 months from being 2 year old, but he's seriously a genius. he's so moldable now, we can say a word to him once and he'll repeat it a day later like he's known that word forever. i walked in to papa and grammy keezer's house the other day, where jude was having lunch, and he said "mama pretty!" he's just so sweet. he walks up to me and says "hug!" and wraps his little arms around my neck so tight. i love it. last night he hit his foot on the coffee table and was then walking around to everyone and everything making them kiss his boo boo. he constantly makes me laugh. he's such an entertainer. he has a very sweet spirit, except for those times that he's throwing a fit because bella is playing with his tractor or he can't have a "treat". but lets remember, he is 2.
oh yeah, i'm pregnant now too. its a girl, lucy mae. i guess we adopted a beatles theme for our kid's names, but thats cool with me. i'm really afraid of having a girl. jude has been so easy and i'm scared out of my mind that lucy is going to be completely nuts or diva-like. if so, i might send her back. just kidding. i love her so much already. i definitely have a different view of this pregnancy vs. the first. i can't imagine loving another child as much as i love jude, but i know it will happen. i can't wait to meet her.
i've got some recipes that i need to post soon so stay tuned.
what else has changed...
brian got a new job. we are so thankful! its one that he's been waiting on for months now, and its finally come to pass. he is so excited and i'm so proud of him. he has such a great work ethic and i'm thankful that he will pass that on to our kids.
its awesome having my sister and best friend living fifteen minutes away. it makes life so much better and the timing could not have been more perfect. God seriously knows what he's doing.
for those of you who know about my dad, he's not doing well. i can go into greater details later, but we would all appreciate your prayers. its been a really rough fall. i never imagined my family going through something like this. there are definitely lessons to be learned and things to be appreciated, but it pretty much sucks all around. so thanks for your thoughts, encouragement, and prayers. it all means a lot.
there's a little update on the keezers. thanks for reading. there's definitely more where this came from.
so much has changed since july. jude is such a little man now. he's obsessed with tractors, helicopters, airplanes, trains, trucks, and all things manly. he has such a huge vocabulary. i'm sure every parent says this about their 3 months from being 2 year old, but he's seriously a genius. he's so moldable now, we can say a word to him once and he'll repeat it a day later like he's known that word forever. i walked in to papa and grammy keezer's house the other day, where jude was having lunch, and he said "mama pretty!" he's just so sweet. he walks up to me and says "hug!" and wraps his little arms around my neck so tight. i love it. last night he hit his foot on the coffee table and was then walking around to everyone and everything making them kiss his boo boo. he constantly makes me laugh. he's such an entertainer. he has a very sweet spirit, except for those times that he's throwing a fit because bella is playing with his tractor or he can't have a "treat". but lets remember, he is 2.
oh yeah, i'm pregnant now too. its a girl, lucy mae. i guess we adopted a beatles theme for our kid's names, but thats cool with me. i'm really afraid of having a girl. jude has been so easy and i'm scared out of my mind that lucy is going to be completely nuts or diva-like. if so, i might send her back. just kidding. i love her so much already. i definitely have a different view of this pregnancy vs. the first. i can't imagine loving another child as much as i love jude, but i know it will happen. i can't wait to meet her.
i've got some recipes that i need to post soon so stay tuned.
what else has changed...
brian got a new job. we are so thankful! its one that he's been waiting on for months now, and its finally come to pass. he is so excited and i'm so proud of him. he has such a great work ethic and i'm thankful that he will pass that on to our kids.
its awesome having my sister and best friend living fifteen minutes away. it makes life so much better and the timing could not have been more perfect. God seriously knows what he's doing.
for those of you who know about my dad, he's not doing well. i can go into greater details later, but we would all appreciate your prayers. its been a really rough fall. i never imagined my family going through something like this. there are definitely lessons to be learned and things to be appreciated, but it pretty much sucks all around. so thanks for your thoughts, encouragement, and prayers. it all means a lot.
there's a little update on the keezers. thanks for reading. there's definitely more where this came from.
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