parenthood.

parenthood is a crazy ride. brian and i always say "can you imagine what life was like before we had jude?" if you're a parent, you know what i'm talking about. i mean, wow. we had such freedom before and we didn't even know it. we could go out, sleep in, run errands without remembering snacks or car seats...we pretty much did whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. and we so took it for granted.

i remember being pregnant with jude and getting so annoyed at the hundreds of people who would say "you just wait 'til the baby is born!" or "get sleep while you can!" it really irked me. as if i thought that the baby would be completely self-sufficient and sleep 12 hours in a row right from the womb. but, now that i am a parent, i see their point (although that doesn't make it any less annoying). brian and i had no clue what we were about to get into. in a way we did, but you can't totally understand it until it happens to you. your life completely changes before your eyes. you become obsessed with things like nap schedules, baby food, snotty noses, and poop consistency.

when jude was a tiny baby i remember thinking that i didn't really matter anymore. my needs were secondary. jude was my number one concern and whatever he needed was my task at hand. and i totally didn't mind. it was weird, this selflessness that came over me. its like i totally didn't care that i had to change diapers and clean spit up all day. it just happened.

but then your baby gets older. he gets an attitude. his little personality forms, the good and the bad, and you see sin nature rearing its ugly head. your kid has an "off" day when they cry all day or don't take naps or hit you in the face...and you think...what was life like before?! i can barely remember those carefree, no worry days of non-parenthood. and i remember those people who don't yet have kids and i want to say "enjoy this freedom while you can because you will never get it back."

don't get me wrong, i love being a mom. its the best. jude is my little sidekick...he copies me, gives me endless hugs and kisses, and entertains me day and night. i cannot imagine life without him. motherhood is such a whirlwind of emotions. its crazy how you can feel so much love and so much frustration all in within the span of an hour. its overwhelming, hilarious, tiring, fun, and annoying all at the same time.

so those people who warned me about my life changing forever were totally right. but what they didn't say was that it was all worth it. yeah, i had lots of sleepless nights at first. yeah, jude sucks the life out of me at times. yeah, i had no clue how my life would change and how my freedom would slowly leave forever. but...i don't even care. i look into those huge brown eyes and cannot help but be thankful for the stress, the crumbs, and the early mornings. its so worth it.